Steve’s Student Blog

Not A Party Pooper

I am not a party-pooper. You want proof? 1) I have never popped a child’s balloon in my life and I never intend to (unless a child kicks me in the backside, in which case I’d have good reason to and would do so to all his balloons, not just one). 2) I laugh up to ten times per day at stupid things which aren’t even funny (even about silly pranks like the one Jim pulled about Laser Hair Removal Manchester). 3) I am known as having a decent sense of humour, so there. I think that’s enough proof. But one thing I absolutely can’t stand is loud noise in the morning. It does my head in. It’s precisely the worst thing that can happen to you as you wake up, other than stepping out of bed directly onto some lego.

Picture the scene, if you dare–

It’s 8:30a.m. and you’re very tired. You had a really rubbish night’s sleep, tormented by nightmares which include and are not limited to horses made out of barbed-wire chasing you along streets raging with flames made out of the faces of clowns, and when you start to properly wake up there is a noise which tells you that you can’t really be awake, no: it simply can not be possible. This noise is far too demonic to be one made in the real world. The noise in question is, unbelievably, a chain-saw: it’s right in your ear and it’s killing you!

Now, how maddening is that? I can tell you from experience it is very maddening. Now, I am well aware that by 8:30a.m. the majority of the non-student working population are busily on their way to work, but does that mean that people can get out chainsaws willy-nilly whenever they want? Not in my book it doesn’t! Maybe I am a grumpy git but so what, every time you wake up is one less to enjoy! Let’s put a stop to this cruelty now please.